Here's what happened....

Doors fling open and in hop three damp teenagers with their backpacks and mesh bags full of flippers, the smell of chlorine fills the car. As we pull out of the loading zone, there is the sound of rustling snack papers.

I turn around and with a smile say, "hey, would you guys mind not eating back there, I had a big mess to clean up after last night's ride.  Now, what is everyone swimming in the meet this weekend?"

The boy answers quickly, no problem to not eating, and then rattles off some swimming events. 

And then it was silent the rest of the ride home.  Ouch.  Longest ride home! 

I interpreted this silence as quiet introspection, proof that they are all good kids and they were thinking about their actions and feeling kind of bad about it. Which is fine.  What you hope for after a behavioral intervention (I think).

As for the whispering, I have decided not to go there because of some things my daughter has told me, mostly that she thinks the girl acts very silly around this boy - she knows the behavior is more for his benefit than to exclude her.  It's more annoying than hurtful in her book. 'Nuf said.

I really valued each and every one of your comments.  Some of you out there have lots of real life experience with teens.  It is always sticky when you are friends with their parents.  Who knew carpools could be so stressful!

What we have here is Chad's Pullover, Peace Fleece, Ancient Fern.  Double seed stitch, 23", going for at least 26", maybe longer. Have a great weekend!

Comments

[Lorette]

Glad it all worked out without you having to abandon them by the side of the road.
I love that PF pattern. I have a pile of PF in Hemlock in the stash; I might have to try that one.

[Annie]

Thanks for the update. :)

The sweater looks more and more appealing every time you show it.

[Julia]

Sounds like your instincts are sound. Glad it worked out so well, introspection is good for teenagers. I love the Peace Fleece and that's a great basic pattern, and I've been looking for one - if I could only find a really good men's vest pattern. I may have to use the sweater workshop book. That means math, ugh.

[Diane E.]

Way to go, nice touch. I hesitated to give an opinion last post, sometimes reacting too soon makes a mountain out of a molehill. You handled the mess part and redirected, offering an open conversation that included everyone.Sounds like your daughter would do well on an emotional intelligence odometer. :)

[Diane E.]

Way to go, nice touch. I hesitated to give an opinion last post, sometimes reacting too soon makes a mountain out of a molehill. You handled the mess part and redirected, offering an open conversation that included everyone.Sounds like your daughter would do well on an emotional intelligence odometer. :)

[Diane E.]

Way to go, nice touch. I hesitated to give an opinion last post, sometimes reacting too soon makes a mountain out of a molehill. You handled the mess part and redirected, offering an open conversation that included everyone.Sounds like your daughter would do well on an emotional intelligence odometer. :)

[Kerstin]

Well done! And whatever happened to what we were all taught as kids: “If you didn't bring enough snacks for everyone, then you should refrain my eating in front of them.” Of course, then you run the risk of them bringing a picnic next time. :)

Love the PF sweater!

[Jen]

Good for you! Sounds like you handled it perfectly. And it does get easier.

[Jen]

This is weird... all of my posts are coming up as being posted by people who aren't me...

[Kim]

Now that you made them aware that you are aware of them....they will behave better and the silence won't last for long....trust me..LOL.

I can't wait to see Chad's sweater finished!

[Sharon]

You are by no means done with the angst and anguish of teenagers, but 8th grade is the pits, and it does get marginally better after that.

[Susan]

Oh, I'm so glad that worked out as well as it did. I'm enormously relieved that your daughter hasn't felt excluded by that behavior -- she seems to be able to put this in perspective nicely. I also wonder if perhaps what you did also is a bit of a relief for the boy in question. . . it's possible that he wasn't too thrilled about being stuck in the back of the car in the dark with a girl who brought him a "special" snack. In any case, this kind of takes the pressure off him to deal with this girl's silly behavior, and hopefully it will make future carpool rides a bit more relaxing.

[Emily]

Good job! I didn't chime in when you posted the initial issues, but I can just add.... I do my rule giving while I drive -- no eye contact is a great trick in talking with teens! It makes everyone comfy, which is hard in a confined space. I have often been heard to say "Bubba/Bubbo gets tired of hearing me say this, but the rules in our car are...." And I always top it off with "and if you don't follow the rules I'll _______" and this can be as loony as you'd like, from "I'll roll the window up on your head if you stick it out" to "I might just pull over and have you walk the rest of the way." Crazy remarks usually bring on some story of when I really did do something zany with my kids, like, uh, putting dirty dishes under their pillows to enforce the "you get it dirty, you load it in the dishwasher" rule. No kidding. I almost always have well behaved kids in my car (ages 14-18 these days), and we have fun. Clear expectations and clear consequences -- always!

[LizW]

You handled that very smoothly, I think. I found that 8th grade was the height of silliness, and it started tapering off after that. I am the standard ride home from school for my son and several other high schoolers in our neighborhood. They range from 9th to 12th grade. The silliness has gone away, but I sometimes have to deal with tired grouchiness from them. Every once in a while I have to intervene and remind them to treat each other with a little more kindness.

Mostly, I try to stay as quiet as possible and they sort of forget I'm there. I find out all kinds of details and gossip about high school life that way!

[Chris]

Sounds like you handled this well -- not making too big a deal of things usually seems to be the best. And reminding them that you see the remains of said snack probably reminds them as well that they're not in a world apart there in the back seat. And very sensible of your daughter not to be offended.