Thank you so much for the comments on my "Midstream" post.  What a curious few days it has been since then.  I was basking in the afterglow of my loving mother-daughter interaction, while hastily packing backpacks to send my boys off to action-oriented camps, all in the hopes of HAVING A FEW MINUTES TO MYSELF this week, when it crept up on me....ANOTHER PARENTING CHALLENGE!

Charlie (you remember him, cast-on-foot during soccer, cast-on-wrist during baseball) was signed up for mucho-dinero Awesome Adventure camp.  Like kids going into 4th grade MUST have experience with group raft-building, spelunking, rapelling and other "character-building" stuff?  So we send him off at 8 a.m. and pick him up at 4 p.m., and expect that, since he's athletic, and sensitive (gets all the team-building stuff) that he would flourish there.

He's been kinda quiet after.  Very hungry.  Very quiet.  Little aches and pains.  So tonight, I tried some of my new parenting stuff on him.

I said, "How's camp?  You know, if you don't like it, or something's going on there, just let me know.  Dad and I don't care if you like it or not.  Just let us know."

Well I'll be damned if he doesn't say, "A girl is bothering me there."

"Like how?", I say, trying to keep my voice at an even keel.

"Like following me, and taking off my hat, and interrupting me when I am talking.  Just embarrassing me in front of my friends."

This is not the first time we have experienced this.  Last year, I was contacted by his teacher, because she wanted to let me know that a girl had been bothering Charlie, that she observed it, and had taken corrective measures and wanted me to be aware of it.

When it happened during the school year, we talked to him about telling the girl to leave him alone, and if it got to be a problem, to tell an adult.  But honestly, this turns all the tables.  Girls harrassing boys?  Does this express some shift in our society?  And how can we protect our boys?  Hasn't all the focus on harrassment been the other way around?

The counselors at this camp are great, albeit young, out-doorsy college kids who are not parents.  There are only two days left for the camp.  The girl in question is the daughter of my friend's good friend.  My husband is travelling and not available for consultation.

So this one has no great resolution (yet).  I might not send him tomorrow.  Or I might send him, thinking he needs to figure it out.  That's the problem - there's no right answer...

Boys Being Boys, Charlie on Right

Comments

[Liz]

"there is no right answer" ... oh my God. This has been thundering through my head more and more as my son gets older. I've heard (from my Mom) that it just gets worse and worse! Have mercy on us all!

I say send him one more day. By the way, he is so cute!

[Annie]

I wonder if the same advice you gave him before could be applied in this situation. Perhaps a call made to the director of the camp explaining the situation?

Geez. Let the boy be a little boy for a little while longer. Hopefully this isn't a taste of what is ahead for you/him.

[sandy]

Harassment = girl crush. It's true. Explain to him that sometimes when girls like boys (or vice versa) they do not know how to appropriately act, so they go for the negative attention.
Doesn't make it right.
But handing him an explanation and perhaps some words to deal with it will help. I used to run by scenarios and phrases my kids could use.
like:
"I know you are, but what am I?" Or simply just
"Back off".
Growing up is hard to do. Both for kids and for Moms.
xoxo

[Liz]

I totally agree with Sandy... girl crush. 4th grade's about the right time that girls start noticing boys in that way. I remember some of the things I did to a boy I had a crush on in the 6th grade included stealing his hat.

[Kerstin]

A neighbor's daughter once tried this on Sam. Kept stealing his hat until she ripped off the tassle on top. Damn, that wool hat was expensive! Anyway, I called the mother immediately and told her what had happened. She talked to her daughter and it never happened again.

On the other hand, they need tools to deal with this pestering/bullying themselves. Maybe he could tell her straight out: "You are ANNOYING. Leave me alone." Or "I don't like girls who act like PESTS." I mean, he probably says these things to his sister, right? :)

I've heard the girls are more aggressive than ever. After seeing some of the girls in Max's grade (going into 7th) this summer, I'm stunned. Man, they look 12 going on 16 in a BIG way.

[Suzanne]

It is amazing how the parenting issues keep changing as they get older. Just when you think you have a handle on things (when they are around first grade) different issues start cropping up that you never imagined. Good luck with your son's dilema. I think it is probably that the girl likes him, too, but it doesn't make it any easier for him to handle.

[katie]

i agree: girl crush. i also remember doing similar things when i was that age. embarrassing now but for some reason i thought it would make them notice me and like me. ridiculous reasoning but it makes sense when you're 9.

my son, who's going into 4th this year as well, has had a hard time of this in his "daycare" this summer and the end of the last school year. girls calling him cutesy names, getting upset when he ignores them, pulling hats off, etc. we talked about how girls sometimes do things like that when they like a boy and to just tell a teacher. his response: "okay, but it's sure a silly way of showing that they like me."

i guess we should be happy they are well-liked? haha.

-katie

[Kathleen]

Camp troubles all around. You know, this school year Gracie spoke with her teacher and said, I am having problems with ### and I want to try and deal with it but can you just keep an eye on things and just watch what is going on. It really helped. And I didn't have to step in. Hang in there.

We think Gracie is quitting camp next week. There's a field trip to NYC on Monday...she wants to go.

[Tracy]

Give him 10 more years and he'll deal with it no problem at all! Bless him though and at his age it's not nice if he's not interested. As there's only a couple more days, I'm sure he'll make it through. She can't pester him all the time can she?

[Vicki]

When I was in 6th grade, there was a boy in my class who liked me. He was not physically aggressive at all, but he was persistent. Man, he was persistent. Every single morning, there'd be a note on my desk: "Dear Vicki, I love you. Do you love me? Yes __ No __." It drove me absolutely nuts. I suppose it was harrassment, but we just never thought in those terms; it was just part of learning "the dance" and growing up. I teased and made a nuisance of myself and probably bordered on harrassment at times, too! Anyway, I tried ignoring him, complaining to my friends, complaining to his friends, and I even tried being mean and nothing would stop him. Finally, we just talked -- I don't remember who worked up the nerve: 'I don't love you, I don't hate you; let's be nice to each other.' It was SO much better after that. Maybe Charlie just needs to ask her what in the heck she's trying to get his attention for!

And, in an "As The World Turns" twist, he briefly dated one of my sisters in college years later...

[lillium]

Been there done that! I was that girl. She likes him and doesn't have a clue how to go about letting him know except to pester him. Brings back a vivid memory of what I did to poor Mark K in fourth grade. He finally told me off one day in no uncertain terms. I got the message from him and moved one to haunt someone else. Nothing new - just the same old same old. My Mom had to sit me down and have a good long talk about my "methods".