Midstream

Last Sunday, we drove Maddy to camp.  This is her third year at sleep-away camp.  It was her idea in the first place, and every year there is no question that she wants to go back.  Camp drop off is like a surreal experience.  Your senses are heightened, emotions are running high, everyone has their own issues they are processing.  I have found that it is best to be quick about it - no need to linger, just let everyone get on with things.

Each year, though, I see that she is at a new stage, she makes new connections, has new confidence and new worries and fears.  As we were helping her settle in, she was clearly embarrassed by her brother's antics around her cabin - I asked their Dad to take them to the car!

Once they left, we had some time to walk around a little.  As we hiked up the steep hill to her cabin, she said "What if there are mean girls like at school last year?  I think everyone already knows each other.  They look so much older than me!"

Of course, I hastily replied, "Don't worry!  Everything will be fine!"

To which she replied, "WHY do you say that?  It doesn't help!"

Well that just took the wind right out of me.  In a flash second, I recalled the parenting books I used to pour over way back in the beginning when my kids were small.  One book really taught me about active LISTENING - It's Not Fair, Jeremy Spencer's Parents Let Him Stay Up All Night, by Anthony Wolf.  I remember at that time thinking it would be years before I would be ready for his next book - Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Cherly & Me to the Mall?.

So I took a deep breath and said, "You're right!  I think I say that because I love you and I want to make everything OK for you.  I can see how it is of no help to you when I do that!  So, you're worried about your cabin?"

We then talked about some things she could do when she got there to ease in.  Maybe reach out to another girl - ask her where she's from.  Chat with her counselor.  Stop in on a friend in another cabin.  She calmed down, and we said our good-byes.  We left each other in a good place.

Last week a friend of mine had a baby.  She has three older children, the same ages as mine.  When I saw the baby, I realized how parenting changes!  Here I am, smack-dab in the midsteam.  My kids need me, not physically any more, but emotionally.  You have to be there, vigilant, willing to work on your skills as a parent. 

Speaking of midstream, that's where I am with my two knitting projects, Tizzy, which is the Jaeger tank, and John's Guernsey.  I hope to seam and do neck and arm bands on Tizzy soon so I can wear it before the summer is out!

 

Comments

[Annie]

Sigh. What a beautiful post. You've given me lots to think about as I'm in the same position. I never thought of it as being "midstream". Interesting. I definitely agree that I need to continue to work on those parenting skills. It's a neverending evolution, isn't it?

[Jackie]

I love to read your kid posts - it lets me know what's coming! I think I'm one step behind you with my kids ages. Thanks for the links, too!

[Mary]

That's a really interesting insight. I can imagine that what "works" one day, can end up being the wrong thing just a month or year down the line, and then what a surprise! It's great to see that you were able to recover and still connect with Maddie. She's got a great mom!

[Kathy]

Another sigh here. Great post. And I admire your ability to regroup after your daughter pushed-back. Seems like you gave her some concrete suggestions to help ease the transition. It continually amazes me that parenting is not something that you can ever really master, because it's always changing. I guess the best one can do is to work on the skills - like listening - needed to be a loving and effective parent and embrace the journey!

[Siow Chin]

I think you're a wonderful parent. I'm always looking forward to when my two girls will go off the school and when they would not need me to take care of them physically. Now I realise that my job will not get easier but instead more challenging in a different way.

[Kerstin]

Great comeback, Mom! It's nice she wants your advice and will listen to it. It means you're doing the right thing even when it doesn't feel like it. Hope you're getting some knitting in this week!